you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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