I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
