Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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