is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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