i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
