She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
