I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
