Banned from zoo.
Again?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
