He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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