my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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