You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize