The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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