I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
bring money and cleavage
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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