gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
