we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
