All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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