So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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