Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
