Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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