i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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