dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
