I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
