we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
