Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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