A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
