you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i think my cat just said my name.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
