the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
