You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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