Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
