I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
