you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
