i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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