Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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