hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
