my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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