tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
