Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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