i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
