fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
