She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
