At least make sure they are 18
Why
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
