sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the raccoons are back...
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