I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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