oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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