And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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