He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
