It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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