I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
