He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.