I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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