There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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