we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
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Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.