Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask