know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.