Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
