I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
