So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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