Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she smelled like a LAN party
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
