Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize