Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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