This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
