the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
