Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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