I can text with my tongue
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
