It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
