Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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