If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
