yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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