New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
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This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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