Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
