guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if i died would you start the facebook group?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
