I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
