I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
