it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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